Stop Military Rape/
Military Rape Crisis Center
Winter Soldier
On March 13-16 2008, veterans from across the country are meeting in Washington, DC to speak out against war crimes, fight for veterans' health benefits and sexual trauma in the Military. I would like to share with you all my testimony.
I began my duty at United States Coast Guard Station Burlington, VT on February 2, 2006. I was one of two females assigned to the base of around 28 or so Coast Guard members. The base was not used to having females around and expressed their hatred of females in the military towards me. On an almost daily basis I would hear comments based on my gender. A fellow nonrate will tell me things such as females should never have been allowed to join the Coast Guard. A 3rd Class Petty Officer told me to go to the galley to mess cook because women belong in the kitchen. I ended up having to mess cook during days mess cooking was assigned to others because they did not feel like mess cooking. I was once told by my direct command that I have to mess cook on the day another nonrate was assigned to mess cook because he would like to go outside and play basketball instead. I was also told by a member of my command that I am not capable of doing certain things because I am a female. For instance according to him I would not be able to get ice crew qualified because females feel that the ice is too cold and that it is a man’s job
I did all the extra work without much complaint however the constant name-calling and harassment and dehumazing treatment that I received were affecting my morale so I decided to tell my command. I spoken to my section leaders about this and they told me that they would talk to those involved but they either never did or those who the talked to did not listen because everything continued. I eventually gotten so depressed that I had to go above my section leaders and tell the Executive Petty Officer (XPO) what was going on. They sent me to the hospital who cleared me and said that I was situational depressed and was set back to the station after a few hours.
One day a bird got severely injured while I was off duty. I saw it injured and wanted to help it while a lot of my shipmates were laughing and trying to decide who should take a gun from the armory to shoot it. I wanted to help it and make sure it was okay. Caring for animals was something I never viewed as being bad or a mean of being weak but many at the station including the XPO and the Officer in Charge (OINC) also referred to as Chief. The XPO thought that it would be funny to start showing me photos of the animals that he killed on his hunting trips. He would tell me stories of the long and painful death that a deer or bear had. He thought it was funny to try to get me angry or upset.
While in the lounge watching TV with my shipmates a male E3 came and beat me with a rolled up newspaper. No one tried to stop it and a few of my shipmates just sat there and laughed. I was upset and surprised about being confronted like this so in order to avoid the situation from escalating I moved to my barrack room. The next day the XPO and the Chief found out what happened and I was called into the Chief's office where they told me that they are worried that I will not be able to deal with pulling a floater from the water because I am weak and that if I get upset because of an injured bird or being hit by my shipmate then I am not strong enough for the military. They said that I made a mistake by joining the Coast Guard and that I will be sent to Boston to get an evaluation by a psychologist at the Coast Guard Academy.
Originally I was sent to ISC Boston, was there for a few days before I was sent to New London, CT to meet with the psychologist (Captain) at the Coast Guard Academy. His advice to me to ignore all that my shipmates are doing. He told me that “sailors will be sailors” and that their behavior is acceptable. He cleared me and was allowed to go back to Burlington
My first day back at Burlington I was called into Chief’s office. The XPO and OINC told me that I would not make it in the Coast Guard. The only other female at the station said that I make the females in the Coast Guard look bad and to start acting like a man and that she can get me discharged if she wants. The OINC told me that he'll “write me up if I cry” Called me “lazy” and “stupid” and he said that he as “complete control” over me and that he “owns” me.
The rape:
While I was on base in Burlington many of my shipmates warned me that one of the male E3s was an abnormal character and advised me not to become friends with him because of this. Due to my open mind and desire to be liked and get to know all my shipmates I decided to speak with him. I gained trust for him and we spoke often.
On May 30th 2006, the male E3 called me and asked if I wanted to go for a drive. I was not doing anything so I agreed to go. We drove from Burlington to go hiking. Along the hike we came upon a waterfall and a pond. When we got to the pond he mentioned that he would like to take his clothing off and go for a swim. He suggested that I should too including taking his clothing off and go for a swim. He suggested that I should too include taking my clothing off. I said to him that it was too cold to take a swim so I opted not to and sat on the grass by the water while he continued to remove his clothing and eventually for a swim.
He finished his swim and came out of the water. At this time he proceeded to walk towards me and then stand directly in front of me. He moved directly in front of me positioning himself with his genitalia directly in front of my face. He then said you know what to do. I immediately said no and asked if we could leave. I remember feeling nervous because nobody else was there and I didn’t know what was going to happen next. At this time I tried to get up but he pushed me down and pinned me with my wrist so I couldn’t move. I kept shouting to him that I wanted to go but he just wouldn’t listen to me. At the point I was begging him to let me go and saying that I don’t want to have sex with him. It was at this point he forcibly removed my clothing and raped me.
I don’t remember walking back from the pond to his car. I was in absolute shock that a fellow Coast Guard would this. I went to the barracks, took a shower and hid from him. Later that night I received a text message on my cell phone. The text message was from my rapist and shipmate. He stated that he had a letter for me and the he would place it under my door. In the letter he stated how much he loves me (this I felt was inappropriate) and how much he is sorry for what happened. I have the copy of the letter. I submitted the original letter to the Coast Guard legal team upon their request. They later denied of having a letter of him confessing to the rape.
The reason I did not report the rape right away or went to get a rape kit done at the ER was because having already been blamed for being beaten by a shipmate and the other incidents I knew that I would have been at fault for what happened. Also I was scared of being in trouble because I blamed myself for not being strong enough to stop the rape. I was going through normal-post rape symptoms including denial, self blame and fear.
I made the mistake of trying to put the entire incident out of my head. My assumption was right and just a few days ago I found out that they wrote up a “page 7” for the incident that happened on May 30. I do not agree in it and would think most of us agree that being raped by a shipmate is not ground for getting a page 7.
I finally built up the courage to try to tell someone what happened on May 30th, 2006. I wanted to tell XPO. I tried my best to tell him and I admit it, I was scared but I knew it had to be done. I started talking about it and within 3 sentences when he heard that it was about a shipmate he told me that “to drop it and he does not want to hear it. Once he heard that I wanted to press charges against my rapist he told me to leave his office.
Throughout these times I was speaking with a friend, a fellow coast guard member who I became friends with while I was in Boston, a 3rd class Petty Officer was very surprised and angry to hear how my shipmates were treating me. He went and spoke to work life and to the EEO officer in Boston and gave them a general summary of what was going on. The EEO officer later called me and I explained to him a little more but did not get the courage to tell him everything. The XPO in Burlington somehow found out that I was talking to a Petty Officer from Boston and called me into the OINC's office. Chief, the XPO and another First Class Petty Officer stated that what I am doing was against coast guard policy and that I can get discharged if I talk to a petty officer who was not in my chain of command. They also found out that I spoken to the EEO officer and suggested that I call him back and tell him that I would not press charges against the Chief or the XPO
They spent a good hour and a half trying to convince me that I should not be telling the EEO officer or anyone about what’s going on at the station because “they could loose their job” They explained to me that the coast guard means more to them than their own family. They also mentioned how many years they been in the coast guard and all they had to sacrifice for it. They said this could ruin their career. They have a wife and kids to support and basically just trying to make me feel guilty for even mentioning anything. The first class petty officer told me that this would end up going in front of the captain and that he would laugh when he hears a “non rate trying to go against her chief” he said that I am “just making a fool of myself” and in court he would “side with Chief and the XPO because I am just a non rate.” They denied trying to talk me out of it but to “think about their kids” That day I was on off going duty after spending an entire weekend on duty. They told me that they hope I do not have anything planned because I would be at the station for a long time. I did inform them that I have an appointment with my civilian therapist from EAP and they said that I wouldn’t be able to go. I also was not allowed to go “upstairs to the barracks or change out of uniform” and that I must “stay on the 2nd deck and work until I tell them that I would not be telling anyone about station Burlington. I ended up having to clean off mud, shine all the metal in the mess deck and other such jobs till late in the afternoon when I told Chief that I would not be telling anyone in Boston about the station. Due to being dismayed and realizing that this is probably going to be my command for the next few years I thought that it was best to not burn any bridges with them and just drop the issue so to speak even though I know what they were doing was wrong.
I was in the process of getting boat-crew qualified. I had all my requirements done except for a few that needed to be done while underway. The entire station was told to not allow me to go underway. No other reason but to punish me. This was my dilemma; I was not allowed to get my name on an A-school list to get the training to become a petty officer until I became boat-crew qualified. I was not able to become boat crew qualified because I was forbidden to go underway. I was forbidden to advance in the Coast Guard and no reason was ever given.
Shortly after these incidents command noticed the change in my performance I was sent to South Portland, Maine to have a performance review done. While in Portland I worked really effectively because I was away from my rapist/shipmate and then when my 14 days were up it was reported that I had worked really well and got all good reviews in Portland
The Chief in Portland called me into his office and said that I did a great job and that they will get someone to pick me up to drive me back to Burlington and I started crying, and said I can not go back to Burlington and he figured out something was wrong cause even mentioning the word Burlington I would start crying so he eventually said he won’t send me back but would send me to Boston because it had a lot of people here that can help me out.
At ISC Boston:
At ISC Boston medical center I was denied testing for any sexual transmitted diseases and for potential injuries that may have occurred during the rape. Even though I was showing obvious of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Military Sexual Trauma I was not receiving any treatment to help me deal with my trauma According to the LT in work life who was put in charge of finding me medical care she stated that due to Tricare policies it is difficult to find a doctor that deals with Sexual assault survivors in the city of Boston. I did not see my first psychologist to deal with my trauma until 4 month after the rape.
My first weekend in Boston I was put on “restricted duty” and forbidden to leave the base.
I was assigned to work at “Coastie Joes” the on-base coffee shop. My duties included cashier and making coffee. I eventually was told I could no longer work there by a Commander because I am a “slut and flirted with the customers” when asked what he meant by flirting he said that I was “smiling and being polite” When is smiling and saying thank you in the wrong when you are working in a customer-service position? After this I felt that whatever I was doing was going to be viewed negatively.
In August 2006, I was admitted to the VA-Brockton for in patient psychological treatment. I was sent there because I was found crying and the LT in work life translated my crying to being suicidal. I was put on suicidal watch at the hospital. After just a few days at the VA the doctors there said that I was dealing with PTSD and that my crying was the result of being raped and not a sign of being suicidal. I was currently taking Zoloft for depression. After a while I started feeling worse and I felt that the medication was to blame. The doctor at the VA agreed and we mutually decided that I’d get off the medication. I was sent back to ISC Boston on August 8, 2006.
The next day I was transferred to FOT at ISC Boston. I was given a desk job, told that a rape victim cannot do any “real coast guard work” and was told to sit there and not talk to anyone. So I did, for the next 8 months. I was told that they are doing me a favor for putting me in FOT and not on the MAA force. The MAA force is where those who are waiting to get court martial are assigned. At the time there was 2 Coast Guardsmen assigned on MAA duty who were awaiting court martial for child pornography charges. Why was a rape survivor being put in the same category as 2 pedophiles?
On August 23rd, 2006 I was sent back to the Coast Guard Academy for a follow up due to being inpatient at the VA. The psychologist first reaction when seeing me was anger. He was angry that I went inpatient at the hospital especially since I was not suicidal. He was mainly concerned with the high cost of going inpatient. I went to the hospital against my will. I was sent there in tears, because of tears. How could this have been my fault?
Secondly, after my mention of not taking Zoloft anymore he was angry and said that I am “refusing treatment” and forced me to start taking Zoloft again regardless if it made me feel worse. I brought up the rape and he said “that is not my reason that I wanted to see you” also stated that I should “get over the rape” since I am no longer at Station Burlington. He then told me that I’ll be recommended for a medical board for adjustment disorder and was escorted out. During another visit with the psychologist while he visited ISC Boston, he stated that a sexual assault is not possible if 1. One was sexually active prior to the assault and 2. If you knew your perpetrator (and in my case I did since he was a shipmate) He also asked if they still give out condoms and birth control in boot camp. I said yes. He said that I "was fully prepared"
I met with Coast Guard Investigative Service who investigated the alleged sexual assault. I met with them twice and had countless failed attempts to contact them to know the outcome of the investigation.
Work life staff said that I am not allowed to contact the media and if I do I’ll receive a dishonorable discharge. She admitted that she is afraid that the Coast Guard would receive bad publicity.
A Lieutenant Commander from District 1 Legal team was assigned to me to be my legal advocate. According to him, it is dishonorable to ‘report a rape” According to the Coast Guard’s core values of Honor, Respect and Devotion to duty how am I honoring and respecting my shipmate for bring rape allegation against him. He also said that he believes that I was never assaulted. His reasoning was this: “One undergoes a security, background check to be able to serve in the Coast Guard. Only those that passed the criminal background check are able to serve and if he did not have a history of raping women in the past why would he be doing it now?” Yes, I do understand that it made no sense. Also he mentioned that I would go to prison unless I drop the charges. Initially I refused to drop charges. I know what happened to me, there was a confession by the rapist and evidences were there. I was naive in thinking that someone would step up to a leadership role, do their job, put a criminal behind bars but the system failed me. Eventually the threats from my lawyer was so severe and traumatizing that I had no other choice but to drop the charges.
At various times I tried to advance rank, first by trying to put my name on an A-school list for Marine Science Technician and later tried to strike as Yeoman. A Yeoman first class at ISC Boston first told me that I am not allowed to attend A-school because I was still technically assigned to Station Burlington and the Chief in Burlington refuse to allow me to put my name on the A-school list. A few months afterwards I was not allowed to because of the ongoing investigation and lastly was denied because of a pending discharge.
In my permanent record there are copies of email conversations between Captions, Commanders, Chief Warrant Officers and Lieutenant. In the email log they stated that, “Something is seriously wrong” with me and that a rape is an "inappropriate relationship.” If those in high rank in the Coast Guard do not even know what rape is, how can one expect them to help survivors?
The sexual assault allegation was not kept confidential. Almost everyone on base knew why I was transferred to ISC Boston. I was receiving death threats. Walking on base I often hear my shipmates would call me a “whore, “slut” and “a liar” Another E-3 told me that “you’re hot, I’ll love to rape you too” Unfortunately, I do not know his name. Many were E-5s and below. One day, while living in the barracks at ISC Boston at around 2 or 3 in the morning I was awaken with a knock on the door. When I answered it, there were 2 slightly drunk men in civilian clothes (probably off duty coasties, neither I recognized) that threatened me and tried to get into my barrack room. I was able to get them out, close the door and was unharmed. It got so bad that I had to move off base.
On May 24, 2007 I received an honorable discharged under narrative reasons of “unacceptable conduct.” As a result of serving less than 24 months in the Coast Guard I am denied the GI Bill and a bonus that was promised to me by my recruiter. I am currently receiving on going medical treatment for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Military Sexual Trauma at the Boston VA.
The Boston VA confirmed that the psychologist of the United States Coast Guard misdiagnosed me with having adjustment disorder and personality disorder.
**UPDATE June 12, 2008**
I am currently a service-connected, disabled Veteran receiving weekly treatment at the VA for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Military Sexual Trauma in addition to other rape-related medical conditions. As of June 12, 2008, the United States Coast Guard is still in deep denial that sexual assault is a problem in their organization. They would not take responsibility for any of their actions and continue treating survivors, including myself as the wrong doers. I often receive emails from members of the Coast Guard stating that my assault never happened and that the male and females that been sexually assaulted in the Coast Guard are "victims of their own imagination" and to not be trusted or believed. The Department of Veteran Affairs is aware of the problem of sexual assault in the military and the massive cover-up and victim blaming and are constantly creating new programs to help the growing demand to help survivors of Military Sexual Trauma. More on Military Sexual Trauma and the VA:
http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/ncdocs/fact_shts/military_sexual_trauma.html
http://www1.va.gov/wvhp/page.cfm?pg=20
Together we can help the Department of Defense/Department of Homeland Security change their policies to better protect the men and women that been sexually assault while serving their country. This problem been ignored too long and together we can make a difference to protect our troops.
I began my duty at United States Coast Guard Station Burlington, VT on February 2, 2006. I was one of two females assigned to the base of around 28 or so Coast Guard members. The base was not used to having females around and expressed their hatred of females in the military towards me. On an almost daily basis I would hear comments based on my gender. A fellow nonrate will tell me things such as females should never have been allowed to join the Coast Guard. A 3rd Class Petty Officer told me to go to the galley to mess cook because women belong in the kitchen. I ended up having to mess cook during days mess cooking was assigned to others because they did not feel like mess cooking. I was once told by my direct command that I have to mess cook on the day another nonrate was assigned to mess cook because he would like to go outside and play basketball instead. I was also told by a member of my command that I am not capable of doing certain things because I am a female. For instance according to him I would not be able to get ice crew qualified because females feel that the ice is too cold and that it is a man’s job
I did all the extra work without much complaint however the constant name-calling and harassment and dehumazing treatment that I received were affecting my morale so I decided to tell my command. I spoken to my section leaders about this and they told me that they would talk to those involved but they either never did or those who the talked to did not listen because everything continued. I eventually gotten so depressed that I had to go above my section leaders and tell the Executive Petty Officer (XPO) what was going on. They sent me to the hospital who cleared me and said that I was situational depressed and was set back to the station after a few hours.
One day a bird got severely injured while I was off duty. I saw it injured and wanted to help it while a lot of my shipmates were laughing and trying to decide who should take a gun from the armory to shoot it. I wanted to help it and make sure it was okay. Caring for animals was something I never viewed as being bad or a mean of being weak but many at the station including the XPO and the Officer in Charge (OINC) also referred to as Chief. The XPO thought that it would be funny to start showing me photos of the animals that he killed on his hunting trips. He would tell me stories of the long and painful death that a deer or bear had. He thought it was funny to try to get me angry or upset.
While in the lounge watching TV with my shipmates a male E3 came and beat me with a rolled up newspaper. No one tried to stop it and a few of my shipmates just sat there and laughed. I was upset and surprised about being confronted like this so in order to avoid the situation from escalating I moved to my barrack room. The next day the XPO and the Chief found out what happened and I was called into the Chief's office where they told me that they are worried that I will not be able to deal with pulling a floater from the water because I am weak and that if I get upset because of an injured bird or being hit by my shipmate then I am not strong enough for the military. They said that I made a mistake by joining the Coast Guard and that I will be sent to Boston to get an evaluation by a psychologist at the Coast Guard Academy.
Originally I was sent to ISC Boston, was there for a few days before I was sent to New London, CT to meet with the psychologist (Captain) at the Coast Guard Academy. His advice to me to ignore all that my shipmates are doing. He told me that “sailors will be sailors” and that their behavior is acceptable. He cleared me and was allowed to go back to Burlington
My first day back at Burlington I was called into Chief’s office. The XPO and OINC told me that I would not make it in the Coast Guard. The only other female at the station said that I make the females in the Coast Guard look bad and to start acting like a man and that she can get me discharged if she wants. The OINC told me that he'll “write me up if I cry” Called me “lazy” and “stupid” and he said that he as “complete control” over me and that he “owns” me.
The rape:
While I was on base in Burlington many of my shipmates warned me that one of the male E3s was an abnormal character and advised me not to become friends with him because of this. Due to my open mind and desire to be liked and get to know all my shipmates I decided to speak with him. I gained trust for him and we spoke often.
On May 30th 2006, the male E3 called me and asked if I wanted to go for a drive. I was not doing anything so I agreed to go. We drove from Burlington to go hiking. Along the hike we came upon a waterfall and a pond. When we got to the pond he mentioned that he would like to take his clothing off and go for a swim. He suggested that I should too including taking his clothing off and go for a swim. He suggested that I should too include taking my clothing off. I said to him that it was too cold to take a swim so I opted not to and sat on the grass by the water while he continued to remove his clothing and eventually for a swim.
He finished his swim and came out of the water. At this time he proceeded to walk towards me and then stand directly in front of me. He moved directly in front of me positioning himself with his genitalia directly in front of my face. He then said you know what to do. I immediately said no and asked if we could leave. I remember feeling nervous because nobody else was there and I didn’t know what was going to happen next. At this time I tried to get up but he pushed me down and pinned me with my wrist so I couldn’t move. I kept shouting to him that I wanted to go but he just wouldn’t listen to me. At the point I was begging him to let me go and saying that I don’t want to have sex with him. It was at this point he forcibly removed my clothing and raped me.
I don’t remember walking back from the pond to his car. I was in absolute shock that a fellow Coast Guard would this. I went to the barracks, took a shower and hid from him. Later that night I received a text message on my cell phone. The text message was from my rapist and shipmate. He stated that he had a letter for me and the he would place it under my door. In the letter he stated how much he loves me (this I felt was inappropriate) and how much he is sorry for what happened. I have the copy of the letter. I submitted the original letter to the Coast Guard legal team upon their request. They later denied of having a letter of him confessing to the rape.
The reason I did not report the rape right away or went to get a rape kit done at the ER was because having already been blamed for being beaten by a shipmate and the other incidents I knew that I would have been at fault for what happened. Also I was scared of being in trouble because I blamed myself for not being strong enough to stop the rape. I was going through normal-post rape symptoms including denial, self blame and fear.
I made the mistake of trying to put the entire incident out of my head. My assumption was right and just a few days ago I found out that they wrote up a “page 7” for the incident that happened on May 30. I do not agree in it and would think most of us agree that being raped by a shipmate is not ground for getting a page 7.
I finally built up the courage to try to tell someone what happened on May 30th, 2006. I wanted to tell XPO. I tried my best to tell him and I admit it, I was scared but I knew it had to be done. I started talking about it and within 3 sentences when he heard that it was about a shipmate he told me that “to drop it and he does not want to hear it. Once he heard that I wanted to press charges against my rapist he told me to leave his office.
Throughout these times I was speaking with a friend, a fellow coast guard member who I became friends with while I was in Boston, a 3rd class Petty Officer was very surprised and angry to hear how my shipmates were treating me. He went and spoke to work life and to the EEO officer in Boston and gave them a general summary of what was going on. The EEO officer later called me and I explained to him a little more but did not get the courage to tell him everything. The XPO in Burlington somehow found out that I was talking to a Petty Officer from Boston and called me into the OINC's office. Chief, the XPO and another First Class Petty Officer stated that what I am doing was against coast guard policy and that I can get discharged if I talk to a petty officer who was not in my chain of command. They also found out that I spoken to the EEO officer and suggested that I call him back and tell him that I would not press charges against the Chief or the XPO
They spent a good hour and a half trying to convince me that I should not be telling the EEO officer or anyone about what’s going on at the station because “they could loose their job” They explained to me that the coast guard means more to them than their own family. They also mentioned how many years they been in the coast guard and all they had to sacrifice for it. They said this could ruin their career. They have a wife and kids to support and basically just trying to make me feel guilty for even mentioning anything. The first class petty officer told me that this would end up going in front of the captain and that he would laugh when he hears a “non rate trying to go against her chief” he said that I am “just making a fool of myself” and in court he would “side with Chief and the XPO because I am just a non rate.” They denied trying to talk me out of it but to “think about their kids” That day I was on off going duty after spending an entire weekend on duty. They told me that they hope I do not have anything planned because I would be at the station for a long time. I did inform them that I have an appointment with my civilian therapist from EAP and they said that I wouldn’t be able to go. I also was not allowed to go “upstairs to the barracks or change out of uniform” and that I must “stay on the 2nd deck and work until I tell them that I would not be telling anyone about station Burlington. I ended up having to clean off mud, shine all the metal in the mess deck and other such jobs till late in the afternoon when I told Chief that I would not be telling anyone in Boston about the station. Due to being dismayed and realizing that this is probably going to be my command for the next few years I thought that it was best to not burn any bridges with them and just drop the issue so to speak even though I know what they were doing was wrong.
I was in the process of getting boat-crew qualified. I had all my requirements done except for a few that needed to be done while underway. The entire station was told to not allow me to go underway. No other reason but to punish me. This was my dilemma; I was not allowed to get my name on an A-school list to get the training to become a petty officer until I became boat-crew qualified. I was not able to become boat crew qualified because I was forbidden to go underway. I was forbidden to advance in the Coast Guard and no reason was ever given.
Shortly after these incidents command noticed the change in my performance I was sent to South Portland, Maine to have a performance review done. While in Portland I worked really effectively because I was away from my rapist/shipmate and then when my 14 days were up it was reported that I had worked really well and got all good reviews in Portland
The Chief in Portland called me into his office and said that I did a great job and that they will get someone to pick me up to drive me back to Burlington and I started crying, and said I can not go back to Burlington and he figured out something was wrong cause even mentioning the word Burlington I would start crying so he eventually said he won’t send me back but would send me to Boston because it had a lot of people here that can help me out.
At ISC Boston:
At ISC Boston medical center I was denied testing for any sexual transmitted diseases and for potential injuries that may have occurred during the rape. Even though I was showing obvious of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Military Sexual Trauma I was not receiving any treatment to help me deal with my trauma According to the LT in work life who was put in charge of finding me medical care she stated that due to Tricare policies it is difficult to find a doctor that deals with Sexual assault survivors in the city of Boston. I did not see my first psychologist to deal with my trauma until 4 month after the rape.
My first weekend in Boston I was put on “restricted duty” and forbidden to leave the base.
I was assigned to work at “Coastie Joes” the on-base coffee shop. My duties included cashier and making coffee. I eventually was told I could no longer work there by a Commander because I am a “slut and flirted with the customers” when asked what he meant by flirting he said that I was “smiling and being polite” When is smiling and saying thank you in the wrong when you are working in a customer-service position? After this I felt that whatever I was doing was going to be viewed negatively.
In August 2006, I was admitted to the VA-Brockton for in patient psychological treatment. I was sent there because I was found crying and the LT in work life translated my crying to being suicidal. I was put on suicidal watch at the hospital. After just a few days at the VA the doctors there said that I was dealing with PTSD and that my crying was the result of being raped and not a sign of being suicidal. I was currently taking Zoloft for depression. After a while I started feeling worse and I felt that the medication was to blame. The doctor at the VA agreed and we mutually decided that I’d get off the medication. I was sent back to ISC Boston on August 8, 2006.
The next day I was transferred to FOT at ISC Boston. I was given a desk job, told that a rape victim cannot do any “real coast guard work” and was told to sit there and not talk to anyone. So I did, for the next 8 months. I was told that they are doing me a favor for putting me in FOT and not on the MAA force. The MAA force is where those who are waiting to get court martial are assigned. At the time there was 2 Coast Guardsmen assigned on MAA duty who were awaiting court martial for child pornography charges. Why was a rape survivor being put in the same category as 2 pedophiles?
On August 23rd, 2006 I was sent back to the Coast Guard Academy for a follow up due to being inpatient at the VA. The psychologist first reaction when seeing me was anger. He was angry that I went inpatient at the hospital especially since I was not suicidal. He was mainly concerned with the high cost of going inpatient. I went to the hospital against my will. I was sent there in tears, because of tears. How could this have been my fault?
Secondly, after my mention of not taking Zoloft anymore he was angry and said that I am “refusing treatment” and forced me to start taking Zoloft again regardless if it made me feel worse. I brought up the rape and he said “that is not my reason that I wanted to see you” also stated that I should “get over the rape” since I am no longer at Station Burlington. He then told me that I’ll be recommended for a medical board for adjustment disorder and was escorted out. During another visit with the psychologist while he visited ISC Boston, he stated that a sexual assault is not possible if 1. One was sexually active prior to the assault and 2. If you knew your perpetrator (and in my case I did since he was a shipmate) He also asked if they still give out condoms and birth control in boot camp. I said yes. He said that I "was fully prepared"
I met with Coast Guard Investigative Service who investigated the alleged sexual assault. I met with them twice and had countless failed attempts to contact them to know the outcome of the investigation.
Work life staff said that I am not allowed to contact the media and if I do I’ll receive a dishonorable discharge. She admitted that she is afraid that the Coast Guard would receive bad publicity.
A Lieutenant Commander from District 1 Legal team was assigned to me to be my legal advocate. According to him, it is dishonorable to ‘report a rape” According to the Coast Guard’s core values of Honor, Respect and Devotion to duty how am I honoring and respecting my shipmate for bring rape allegation against him. He also said that he believes that I was never assaulted. His reasoning was this: “One undergoes a security, background check to be able to serve in the Coast Guard. Only those that passed the criminal background check are able to serve and if he did not have a history of raping women in the past why would he be doing it now?” Yes, I do understand that it made no sense. Also he mentioned that I would go to prison unless I drop the charges. Initially I refused to drop charges. I know what happened to me, there was a confession by the rapist and evidences were there. I was naive in thinking that someone would step up to a leadership role, do their job, put a criminal behind bars but the system failed me. Eventually the threats from my lawyer was so severe and traumatizing that I had no other choice but to drop the charges.
At various times I tried to advance rank, first by trying to put my name on an A-school list for Marine Science Technician and later tried to strike as Yeoman. A Yeoman first class at ISC Boston first told me that I am not allowed to attend A-school because I was still technically assigned to Station Burlington and the Chief in Burlington refuse to allow me to put my name on the A-school list. A few months afterwards I was not allowed to because of the ongoing investigation and lastly was denied because of a pending discharge.
In my permanent record there are copies of email conversations between Captions, Commanders, Chief Warrant Officers and Lieutenant. In the email log they stated that, “Something is seriously wrong” with me and that a rape is an "inappropriate relationship.” If those in high rank in the Coast Guard do not even know what rape is, how can one expect them to help survivors?
The sexual assault allegation was not kept confidential. Almost everyone on base knew why I was transferred to ISC Boston. I was receiving death threats. Walking on base I often hear my shipmates would call me a “whore, “slut” and “a liar” Another E-3 told me that “you’re hot, I’ll love to rape you too” Unfortunately, I do not know his name. Many were E-5s and below. One day, while living in the barracks at ISC Boston at around 2 or 3 in the morning I was awaken with a knock on the door. When I answered it, there were 2 slightly drunk men in civilian clothes (probably off duty coasties, neither I recognized) that threatened me and tried to get into my barrack room. I was able to get them out, close the door and was unharmed. It got so bad that I had to move off base.
On May 24, 2007 I received an honorable discharged under narrative reasons of “unacceptable conduct.” As a result of serving less than 24 months in the Coast Guard I am denied the GI Bill and a bonus that was promised to me by my recruiter. I am currently receiving on going medical treatment for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Military Sexual Trauma at the Boston VA.
The Boston VA confirmed that the psychologist of the United States Coast Guard misdiagnosed me with having adjustment disorder and personality disorder.
**UPDATE June 12, 2008**
I am currently a service-connected, disabled Veteran receiving weekly treatment at the VA for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Military Sexual Trauma in addition to other rape-related medical conditions. As of June 12, 2008, the United States Coast Guard is still in deep denial that sexual assault is a problem in their organization. They would not take responsibility for any of their actions and continue treating survivors, including myself as the wrong doers. I often receive emails from members of the Coast Guard stating that my assault never happened and that the male and females that been sexually assaulted in the Coast Guard are "victims of their own imagination" and to not be trusted or believed. The Department of Veteran Affairs is aware of the problem of sexual assault in the military and the massive cover-up and victim blaming and are constantly creating new programs to help the growing demand to help survivors of Military Sexual Trauma. More on Military Sexual Trauma and the VA:
http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/ncdocs/fact_shts/military_sexual_trauma.html
http://www1.va.gov/wvhp/page.cfm?pg=20
Together we can help the Department of Defense/Department of Homeland Security change their policies to better protect the men and women that been sexually assault while serving their country. This problem been ignored too long and together we can make a difference to protect our troops.
